You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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