Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
