I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
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