you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
