Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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