you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
