just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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