Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize