sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
