Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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