he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
