big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
