Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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