I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
