god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Oh god it's open bar.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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