Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
