You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i out mim tonsoeep
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