he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
