we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
