Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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