Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
