dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
