where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
