I just saw a hot homeless man
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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