I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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