i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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