Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
