I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My balls are so social today.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
two words: eviction party
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
