Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
