When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
