The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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