clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize