i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
