what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
