Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
