ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
