Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize