My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
