Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
