Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize