Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize