I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Randomize
