Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
