I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i love accidental penises.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize