I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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