we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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