I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
