Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
