your room smells of hookers.
And success
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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