They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Randomize
