you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize