Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
