i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize