jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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