she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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