the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
