My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
