i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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