So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Damn victory sex feels great
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
