Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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