We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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