I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
