I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
