I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
