were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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