You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The adults are the big ones right?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
