glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
