Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
