I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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