Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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