you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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