I think my vagina is haunted
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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