the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
