we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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