it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
