Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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