The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
As shirtless as possible
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
