I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
