theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
