At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
