im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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