i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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