I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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