I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize