It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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