Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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