They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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