im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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