Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
