Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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