I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
