I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
