just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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