You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
