So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
