I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
