The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
