used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
