He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
