I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just had sex bonerless
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
