i don't like sucking hair
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
