Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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