My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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