Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
