just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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