Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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